And I really hate it. For the past 36 days I have been in a state of denial, disbelief, shock and just a general sense of all things being surreal. But, in the past few days my body is starting to realize everything my brain has known for 36 days. He’s not coming back. He’s just gone. There was no warning, there were no good bye’s. It’s just us now left to pick up the pieces. It’s just us here to move on with our lives and honor his memory. The empty spot in the garage will stay empty while a spot in a cemetery is full.

I’m trying to move forward, I really am. I think my body has been somehow protected this past month and now my brain is letting everything in. I know that he would hate for me to be sad all the time. My Mom made the comment today how proud he was when I was so motivated in losing weight, working out and getting the family healthier and how upset he would be that I don’t work out anymore and eat out WAY too often. I have to change, I know that time heals all wounds, but sometimes I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

I am going to take everything one day at a time while I get used to my new normal, no matter how bad it sucks right now