My son is making me fat. He is constantly stressing me out, yelling at me, and it is making me eat and gain weight. I really hate writing these words but it is true. On the weeks that he isn’t here, I do so much better with my eating and exercising.
2 weeks ago exactly (April 13) at 9:40am, my Dad was killed in a tragic and devastating car accident.
I talked to my Dad at 9am that day because we were supposed to meet at 11:30 at the library for Papa Day. I got to the library a few minutes late and tried to call him, of course he didn’t answer. I then started to hear gentle promptings: “He’s not coming, go to the house.” these promptings kept getting louder and louder until I finally left to go to my parent’s house. I thought for sure he had left his phone in the car and he was just sleeping on the couch. When I opened the garage and his car wasn’t in there, my heart sank. He would never be late or forget papa day…without a phone call as to why he was late and he wouldn’t answer his phone. My Mom was in Wisconsin on a business trip, so my younger brother and I spent the next couple of hours calling and driving to every possible place he could be. My brother is a fireman, so at a last ditch effort he called a detective to see what he could do. The detective knew there had been a fatal crash that morning so he called that police station, they confirmed it was him and already had 2 sherrif’s on the way to the house. The detective stopped them from coming, grabbed two of bobby’s friends from the station and came to tell us.
Once I heard the door bell and saw them on the front porch, I started crying, It was like a bad movie. The next words will be in my mind forever. “Bobby, Jen, we did find your dad. I am so very sorry to be here to tell you that he was killed in a very devastating car accident this morning.” Everything after is a blur, I sat on the couch sobbing while my brother had to call my Mom to tell her; I can still hear her screaming.
Apparently a truck lost control and tried to slam on his breaks, the back end started to jack knife and he swerved, unfortunately he lost total control and went straight into on coming traffic, straight into my Dad’s car. The only solace and blessing is my Dad NEVER saw this coming, his foot never hit the break, his hands weren’t gripping the steering wheel and when they did the autopsy his lungs were empty; so he never had a chance to even react. There was a police officer who raced to the scene seconds after my dad’s car stopped spinning and my Dad was already gone.
I would like to share what I spoke about at his funeral this past Saturday:
Spring break weather was pretty poopy, it was either cold, rainy or thunderstorming every day, but we managed to survive!!!
Breakfast yesterday was hands down the BEST I’ve had in a long time! I ate at 8:30 and at Noon I was hungry, that never happens to me!!
In the mix: cream of wheat, crunchy peanut butter, peach jam and sliced bananas
Here’s a close up, there really is cream of wheat in there!
Lunch was a spinach flour tortilla filled with turkey, cheddar cheese and mustard
I also had Trader Joe’s Spicy Soy and Flaxseed Chips
And I was going to try this Strawberry Greek Yogurt, but I was full after the wrap and chips
Dinner is un-pictured, but we went to Nacho Mama’s and I had the chicken and cheese enchiladas. YUMM!
My brother and his girlfriend offered to take the kids to my old gym to go swimming and I said I would go and workout. I was a little nervous since I haven’t been on an elliptical or treadmill since I left that gym (it will be 3 years in June). I had planned on doing 15-20 minutes on the elliptical and then do another 15-20 on the treadmill. I got on the elliptical and just started running (the incline was only around 4, and the resistance I alternated between 3-4), so it wasn’t like I was sprinting, but it was just like the old days and it felt AWESOME! After 20 minutes, I thought hmm, I can just keep going, so I did! I ended up going about an hour ( I didn’t know they closed for an hour every day..) and did like almost 5 miles and burned I don’t know how many calories (I forgot to look). I was a hot sweaty mess after, but I felt amazing!!!
This gym is not in our budget and where we live it’s too far away to go every day, but it did give me the confidence and motivation I so desperately needed. I’m really thinking I should give running a try now, I have a double stroller, so why not right?!
Now, onto the eats Breakfast was 2 slices of millet bread (if you haven’t tried it yet, DO IT NOW!!!) with chunky peanut butter
And then had grapefruit slices with 1 teaspoon of sugar
After the gym, I was starving! Thankfully I thought I ahead and brought a green(ish) monster with me.
For lunch I had a small baked potato with broccoli and cheese. Perfection.
Later for a snack I tried a new snack bar, it was ok, but I like the Clif and Lunabars much better
Dinner is unpictured but it was chicken and rice casserole with chopped broccoli.
Tuesday and Wednesday was rainy and stormy, and with spring break under way, the monkeys have been NUTS!!!
Breakfast was toaster waffles topped with the last of my beloved Almond Butter (*sniff*) and some more peach jam. This is pure fruit in a jar, I will never go back to regular sugar, HFCS filled jam again!!
And then I had a grapefruit topped with Truvia
Instead of going to the library, where I feared what would happen to the shelves of books with 3 cooped up kids, there was a small lull in rain and I met my Dad at this outdoor skating rink. It’s an ice rink in the winter, skating rink in the summer, completely free and first come, first serve kind of thing. We only had about 20 minutes and the sky opened up again, but the kids LOVED it and got rid of some very pent up energy…good for all of us We then went to my parent’s house where Papa got McDonald’s for the kids and I had some more TJ’s gourmet chicken salad
I piled it all on a spinach tortilla and topped with some sprouts
I ordered a fruit and yogurt parfait for myself, but after 2 bites I had to toss it. The yogurt was runny and the fruit tasted rancid. So sad
On our way home I had a delicious pink lady apple, hit the spot
Today I’m headed back to my old gym, I haven’t been there in 3 years. I have a feeling I’m really going to want a membership again, but that’s not even an option where we are living, so I’ll just enjoy my workout today I’m thinking tread, elliptical and then do some weights. My monkeys will be swimming in the indoor pool with my brother and his girlfriend.
While I really do love all 3 of my kids, Tyler (almost 8) being home this week is about to send me to the looney bin!!! I am SO SO SO sick of the constant ALL DAY fighting and arguing between the 3 of them!!! UGH!!!!! That being said, I’m very proud of myself for not giving in and eating my way through the week!!
Breakfast was a little something I like to call a PB&J Oatwich It was oats, almond butter and peaches. Like heaven in a bowl!
At this point (about 8am) the 3 of them had already been up and fighting for about 2 hours so I decided to treat myself to something I picked up at Whole Foods on Monday:
For snack I had another Lemon Zest Lunabar, it’s quickly becoming my favorite flavor! I think I may like it better than Peppermint Chocolate!
At Trader Joe’s on Saturday I saw some Gourmet Chicken Salad in the deli section and it sounded so good I had to try it: in the mix was chicken, currants and almonds. I had 1/2 cup on a spinach wrap and topped with some alfalfa sprouts. Totally filling and delicious lunch combo!
Later in the afternoon I was really tempted to break out the easter candy, but refrained and had sliced cucumbers and baby carrots with laughing cow light.
I LOVE Mexican food, unfortunately my picky children generally do not so I don’t make Mexican dishes often. Last night I made tostadas and they were loved by all, even my pickiest, the 5 year old who doesn’t like anything. The first batch had refried beans and cheese
And then the 2nd batch had sliced chicken, steak, refried beans and cheese. I had one of each. We will be having this again!
Yesterday was the last of the husband’s 4 day weekend We started off with hardboiled eggs and oatmeal with fruit.
Normally I do all of the grocery shopping by myself, but the husband wanted to go with me, so we packed up the kids and hit the grocery store and Whole Foods. On the way, I re-fueled with a Lemon Zest Lunabar. So freaking good!!
Dinner was burgers on the grill, but I had my yummy salad mix that I picked up at Whole Foods. YUMM!
In the mix: spring mix greens, peppers, onions, edamame, cheese and croutons with a little spicy ranch on top and then sesame noodles topped with sesame pea pods and carrots, curry roasted cauliflower and spicy marinated tofu.
So, I’ve been sucking at the weight loss thing again. I have been stuck at the same weight since January. Every Friday which is my weigh in day, I vow to do better next week, and I do great Fri-Sunday or maybe even Monday but then I fall off the wagon big time. I just can not control my eating.
This week has been no exception. I did great until Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday! But then all hell broke loose. It all started with lunch. I love me some Subway. So I went and they are not having the $5 footlong anymore but I still got a footlong. And chips. Jeez. Then Jacob came home from school. He has been with his dad this week, his dad “forgot” to give Jacob his meds for ADHD that morning, and so getting him to do a worksheet of math homework with like 10 problems on it that a first grader could do took 2 hours. And it still wasn’t done. Add to that little mess the fact that I had a major test on Wednesday morning that I was already stressed out about and it made for a disaster beyond explanation. Bad went to worse in a hurry.
There was a lot of food carnage. A few Pringles. Some chocolate. And a Chipotle burrito. Yeah. Great, huh? A Chipotle burrito and a footlong in the same day? Jesus.
There was a verbal sparring match with Jacob’s dad who is a total douche lord. Did I work out that day? I think not, I can’t even remember. I was so riled up on Tuesday night that I couldn’t even concentrate on my studies.
Wednesday morning I got up at around 430am to study for my test. I ended up getting a decent grade but the damage was done. After class, I was on my way to the gym. Drove by Mission Hospital and for some reason had a random memory come up from the summer when Jacob was in the ER for some bike related injury. Anyways, it led me to a dark place, thinking about *that* time, with the baby, one of the most horrible times in my life and the memories came flooding back like they happened yesterday. The tears came and it wasn’t good. By then the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. But I went and it WAS good.
Exercise is definitely not the problem for me. I am an emotional eater and I can’t deny that. How do I fix it? I have no idea.
So now I’m all bummed out because I’ve blown my weigh in for this week. Am I sabotaging myself? What gives? Why do I keep doing this to myself?
On the first of each month I empty off my memory card reader and make a CD for that month’s pictures, I realized I have about 20 shots from recent eats that I haven’t posted, so I’ll post them now
Almond Butter / Peach Jam Cream of Wheat
New blogging eats plate
Lemon Sparkling Water from Costco
Topped with broccoli and cheese
Green Goodness mixed with strawberries and a banana
Yogurt mess: Oikos Greek Plain, Non-Fat Yogurt, 1/2 cup Special K Granola, chopped Braeburn Apple
Dinner on the fly one night: Millet toast with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, Carrots with Laughing Cow Light and a sliced Braeburn Apple
Oats with 1/4 cup of dried blueberries. Normally I just plop them on top right before eating, but this day I cooked them with the oats: PERFECTION!!! They plumped up nice and juicy
Grapefruit and Truvia
Sort of resembled a Larabar, but smelled and tasted like rotten booty. After 1 bite it went in the garbage
These are sprouting outside the front door…Spring is HERE!!!